The Age of Spiritual Machines

I have a mental Delete button that I can use to delete people out of my life. I wish I had a Shift+Delete button because every time I delete someone out of my life, he finds a way to crawl back in.

The (Bitter) Sweetest Thing

I thought heavily daydreaming about someone was a sure sign that you are over someone else. But I guess the fact that every time I watch something with a hint of romance, I invariably feel bitter and shitty afterwards is a sure sign of the fact that I am NOT over someone else. Which is a strange thing for me to think of because I don't even miss someone else. Someone else has a concert tomorrow that I am missing and I don't really mind.

I guess I miss having a someone else but not that someone else in particular. I miss the feeling like it's 2:53 AM and I feel the need to call a person I miss. I miss the random, funny, sweet memories you accumulate over time with a person.

There are things I don't miss too. I don't miss calling a person at 2:53 AM to fight. I don't miss screwing up friendships for a person. And I definitely don't miss feeling forced to do things I don't believe in for a person. My dad always tell me if I believe in something I'll put all my heart and soul into it; but when I don't believe in something, it's hell. Which is pretty much true, I guess I give my father less credit than I should. But that's just how I am and I don't see how that could ever change.

I don't like drama. And I don't like someone crowding my space. I wish I could have a boyfriend with none of the bad strings attached. But I know that no guy in his right mind and on my date-able scale would ever exist somewhere near where I exist. That's what leaves me with the bitter/shitty feeling that comes with movies and anything else that reminds me of romance, or the lack thereof.

I fear I am a difficult woman that no one would ever be capable of putting up with. I have internal mental panic attacks because I think I might die a single, lonely virgin. Which seems highly unfair to me, because should I really be miserable because I have strong convictions? I would hate for anyone to think I am a feminist, so I guess I'll end this post right here before I start getting into The Consequences of Being a Strong Woman in the Arab World.

Confession

There is a certain someone that I am having huge, uncontrollable romantic thoughts about. If only that someone hasn't been having romantic thoughts about another someone for the past five years.