I miss my blog. It’s been a while since I’ve blabbered about the random thoughts that go through my head. I recently discovered that there are at least five individuals that read my blog on a regular basis. That scares the living crap out of me. I feel like there are five people in this world that have seen me naked. I guess that’s why it’s been a complete month since I’ve clicked “New Post”. Don’t think for a second that it’s because I haven’t been having random thoughts, because I have had plenty of them. About love and stereotypes and certain boys and The Government and the rules society imposes on us and the fact that I am going to Brazil next week and women’s rights in Egypt. So I will confess that there have been many times where I started a blog post in my head or even in a word document and quickly clicked “No” when Microsoft asked me if I wanted to save changes to Document1.
Everyone who knows me has heard me say at one point in time, “I hate people”. One thing I pride myself for is being able to admit my flaws. But why I hate people has always been a mystery to me, which is part of the reason why I never do anything to try and change that. But yesterday while I was having a very fitful and short sleep, I came to a realization, an epiphany if you will. I don’t REALLY hate people, I just hate people who are judgmental or people who are not tolerant to other people’s beliefs (whether religious beliefs, or my belief that “beauty” is a demoralizing term used to make perfect human beings feel incompetent, or anything in between). But since virtually everyone in the world is judgmental and intolerant, I HATE ALMOST EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD. But that’s not even my epiphany, that’s something I’ve half-known all along that only became more clear to me from talking to Hossam Nassef (has anyone Googled him yet?)
I am a girl that people do not get to know all that easily. Even people who think they know me well or have known me for a very long time, they’d be surprised. Like I said, I have the ability to admit my own flaws. But if you peel off the layers of silliness and immaturity, and then peel off the layers of anger, all you will be left with is a very, very scared little girl. I can handle being judged by the people I hate because I have strong convictions that it reflects nothing about me. But for the people who got to peel and peel (or the people who just followed this link), they might have judgments and they might be accurate and that scares the shit out of me.
