Seventeen Days

People tend to think I'm cold and emotionless and somewhat like a robot. But then I have Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies playing in the back of my head because I want nothing more than a shoulder to cry on. A literal shoulder with absolutely no other purpose than to replace my pillow.

I want to forget about everything and sleep for three days and do nothing productive. But I have an assignment due tomorrow and a meeting to prepare for so it's another night where I'm up for the most part. The unproductive sleep will have to wait till winter break. It's been waiting for almost two years now. I doubt I'll have time to sleep in winter break either.

I want to sleep. I want to download music and read lyrics all day. I never want to leave my house. I want to move out of my house, into a new house, and never leave that house. I want to quit. School and AIESEC specifically. Maybe family and friends too. I want to stop feeling like I want to quit. I want the year to be over with already.

I want to go against everyone's expectations and call somebody and cry and talk and cry for hours till I feel better. I can't find anyone to call right now. I want to send somebody an email but I think I've sent somebody too many depressed crying emails already. I'm trying to wait patiently for seventeen more days but I feel like I can't hold it all together for that long.

I hope no one ever reads this. If you're somebody reading this, please disregard it completely. I need to vent and I have no where else to turn to.