A Million Little Pieces

Individuality

I am just like Jean-Jacques Rousseau in that I have always prided myself on being different. He said: “But I am made unlike any one I have ever met; I will even venture to say that I am like no one in the whole world. I may be no better, but at least I am different.” I make a habit out of rejecting what society calls “normal”; challenging it and forming my own opinion of it and usually this opinion is in opposition. Mohammed Al Garf called me rebellious and I said I called it “individuality”. I discussed this openly at an AIESEC conference and everyone stared at me with gaping mouths and confused eyes. My Management professor defined rebellion as “the rejection of all values and norms”, conformity as “acceptance of all values and norms”, and creative individualism as “the acceptance of only pivotal values; rejection of others”. Next AIESEC conference, maybe I’ll talk to people about my creative individualism.

Future

I started my last semester at the new campus two weeks ago and ever since then I have been consistently doing two things: 1. complaining about everything that has to do with university; and 2. counting down till I don’t have undergraduate classes ever again. Right now I have 12 and a half weeks left. But I just realized that after 12 and a half weeks, I have no clue what I’m going to get up and do every morning. I have to start exploring the world and myself; I have 12 and a half weeks to make discoveries. But all I’ve ever known is that I want to travel the world and find a way to live on my own.

Performance Appraisal

I was recently told that I see the cup half empty; I criticize and poke holes instead of acknowledging a concern with possible solutions. I was told that I tend to get very stressed out when someone steps into my work. I worry about myself that I can never get close to people. I worry that I repeat my mistakes and that I am extremely stubborn. I trust too easily and I am very unforgiving.

Australia

The one positive personal thought I have from attending International Congress 2008 in Brazil is that I want to live in Australia. I want to learn how to surf, eat fish all day and become a complete hippie. But apparently Australia is about 17 hours away.

Emotional Investment

I recently realized that in the past four years, I have been single an aggregated sum of just about six months. I think it’s pathetic that I am be a woman who believes and fights for her strength and independence, yet I am a woman who cannot seem to live without affection from a member of the opposite sex. It makes me paradoxical and it makes me naïve and that is even worse. Jon Bon Jovi sings out to me, “I hated you the night you said you loved me/I hated you ‘cause I couldn’t love myself.” Perhaps that explains why all my relationships self-destruct? I am trying to learn and evolve. Apparently the wall I am oh-so-famous for having around me is gone. I am now willing and able to let people underneath at least one layer of my skin and see me. So there is still hope.

Egyptian Girls Who Sleep with their Boyfriends

The inside of the door of one of the bathroom stalls on the second floor New Falaki building discusses this topic. Everyone who wrote on the wall to discuss this topicl is judgmental. It’s judgmental to think that the girls who sleep with their boyfriends are whores. It’s judgmental to think that it’s closed minded to think that girls who sleep with their boyfriends are whores. I think everyone should be free to do whatever the fuck they want. And I wonder, why is no one discussing Egyptian boys who sleep with their girlfriends?

Time and Space

I now believe in Einstein’s theory of special relativity and the structure of spacetime. I seem to have been moving in time but in fact, I haven’t been moving at all. There are people that have not been a part of my life for some reason or another who are suddenly back. Or rather, all this time I thought life was progressing and all the while time has been standing still. There is Mahmoud Al Durrah who shares my gaps on MWs. We sit and it’s as if we didn’t get into a fight over a year ago and stop talking to each other completely. Adham Zidan was my first Computer Science friend, but since he switched majors two years ago, we have had nothing else in common. Now he is in my Romanticism class and he is not the same person I met four years ago. But there was a hint then of the person he is now, and the puzzle has fallen entirely to place. Shyma Zikry. Where do I start with this story? All I can say is that freshmen and sophomore years were probably the best two years of my life. I never realized that until now, and I never realized how much I missed this girl until now. I never thought we would ever be able to get past all the bullshit and be Heisse Pynk again, but I have bended time and space.