Monday, April 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Let Me Rephrase
I reprehend myself for my own naïveté for believing that the only people who could read my blog are the people I give the URL out too. I also reprehend myself for touching up on politics (when I am only trying to vent to myself) because as I know, it always gets me in trouble.
I live in a third world, developing country. I have been living in a third world developing country since I was seven. The fact that it is a developing country isn't news to me. The fact that my country is stricken with poverty isn't news to me either. The fact that the economy's GDP has been steadily rising over the past few years and the fact that this still hasn't helped out much to raise the standard of living in my country still isn't news to me. It's true, I'm educated, I like to keep up with the news in my country, and I am somewhat biased towards a certain perspective. I believe that reform is something that can and will happen but that it is also gradual.
So when the rest of the educated civilians do what they do best—blame the government and futilely pity their situation—it makes me sad how childish and idle they are. And I take it personally when people backlash against my family. Is this honestly the voice of our nation? That we either remain apathetic or resort to anarchy? Now when has that been something that worked well?
I'm not saying that if this guy is rich he shouldn't complain. I'm saying that if he is rich and he wants to complain about something, he should educate himself about it, he shouldn't generalize or follow stereotypes, and he should get up and do something about it. An organized strike isn't going to solve anything. Neither is complaining to a classroom filled with seven other people.
I deal with shit like this every so often and I try not to let it get to me. But it feels completely disrespectful when people start making assumptions and accusations against people to their faces without knowing it or knowing them. It is offensive because it is wrong and if people would just look a bit further, they would realize that but they don't.
I know I can never understand what a lot of people are going through and I know just how blessed I am to have been brought up with everything I have. But that still doesn't justify other people's actions, and it doesn't give any credibility to their accusations. These people also do not know what others have gone through to reach what they have reached and to earn with every ounce of honor and dignity what they have earned. It is wrong to generalize like that.
I live in a third world, developing country. I have been living in a third world developing country since I was seven. The fact that it is a developing country isn't news to me. The fact that my country is stricken with poverty isn't news to me either. The fact that the economy's GDP has been steadily rising over the past few years and the fact that this still hasn't helped out much to raise the standard of living in my country still isn't news to me. It's true, I'm educated, I like to keep up with the news in my country, and I am somewhat biased towards a certain perspective. I believe that reform is something that can and will happen but that it is also gradual.
So when the rest of the educated civilians do what they do best—blame the government and futilely pity their situation—it makes me sad how childish and idle they are. And I take it personally when people backlash against my family. Is this honestly the voice of our nation? That we either remain apathetic or resort to anarchy? Now when has that been something that worked well?
I'm not saying that if this guy is rich he shouldn't complain. I'm saying that if he is rich and he wants to complain about something, he should educate himself about it, he shouldn't generalize or follow stereotypes, and he should get up and do something about it. An organized strike isn't going to solve anything. Neither is complaining to a classroom filled with seven other people.
I deal with shit like this every so often and I try not to let it get to me. But it feels completely disrespectful when people start making assumptions and accusations against people to their faces without knowing it or knowing them. It is offensive because it is wrong and if people would just look a bit further, they would realize that but they don't.
I know I can never understand what a lot of people are going through and I know just how blessed I am to have been brought up with everything I have. But that still doesn't justify other people's actions, and it doesn't give any credibility to their accusations. These people also do not know what others have gone through to reach what they have reached and to earn with every ounce of honor and dignity what they have earned. It is wrong to generalize like that.
Ministers Have Feelings Too
Today is a very typical day in Cairo; bipolar weather, crazy traffic, another complaint from the mass in the form of a riot. And as usual, the AUC community decided to make a big fuss over the whole situation and I am currently sitting in CACE and the campus population can not exceed 50 students.
So there's the demonstration/protest/riot/label-it-however-you-want-I'm-staying-completely-neutral. But it's hard to stay completely neutral when everyone around you suddenly becomes a spokesperson for The Opinionated Idiots Who Think They're So Smart. In my Marketing class of around 40, only seven people showed up today. The AUC community decided to make a big fuss as I said. And naturally, the topic of discussion in the beginning of class had to be The Government.
Now, in conversations about The Government, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and give a look of apathetic boredom. It saves me every time. So the six other students in class and the professor go on and on discussing The Government in—what is in my opinion— a completely irrelevant manner to the real topic at hand.
It was the guy who sits in the back row with a hot British accent (which is such an odd way for me to describe him because I generally hate British accents) who decided that a minister's income and wealth is the root of all evil in our society. At that moment, my bored and apathetic façade gave way to my shocked, teary-eyed face and I just sat there in quiet astonishment, not knowing whether I should regain my composure or get out of my chair and hysterically run up to Hot British Boy and grab him from his crisp Ralph Lauren collar and scream in his face, "Ministers and their daughters and people too, you know! Don't talk about people like that or you'll hurt their feelings!" And what the hell is he complaining about WITH HIS RALPH LAUREN JACKET?!
But of course, being me, I sat there quietly, wondering if anyone ever thought of The Government they so easily accuse for all the horrible things in the world as a group of people who wake up early six mornings a week, kiss their wives good-bye and head off to work. I wonder if they realize that their daughters pack them a nice lunch in a heat-proof container because they don't get back until late at night. I wonder if they realize that every time there's a security threat on the holidays, their whole families have to rush back to Cairo to save the day once again.
But it's so easy for British Fuck Boy to strut into class with his perfect hair and perfect clothes and sip his morning double latté from L'Aroma and blame my father for things he doesn't see and doesn't understand.
So there's the demonstration/protest/riot/label-it-however-you-want-I'm-staying-completely-neutral. But it's hard to stay completely neutral when everyone around you suddenly becomes a spokesperson for The Opinionated Idiots Who Think They're So Smart. In my Marketing class of around 40, only seven people showed up today. The AUC community decided to make a big fuss as I said. And naturally, the topic of discussion in the beginning of class had to be The Government.
Now, in conversations about The Government, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and give a look of apathetic boredom. It saves me every time. So the six other students in class and the professor go on and on discussing The Government in—what is in my opinion— a completely irrelevant manner to the real topic at hand.
It was the guy who sits in the back row with a hot British accent (which is such an odd way for me to describe him because I generally hate British accents) who decided that a minister's income and wealth is the root of all evil in our society. At that moment, my bored and apathetic façade gave way to my shocked, teary-eyed face and I just sat there in quiet astonishment, not knowing whether I should regain my composure or get out of my chair and hysterically run up to Hot British Boy and grab him from his crisp Ralph Lauren collar and scream in his face, "Ministers and their daughters and people too, you know! Don't talk about people like that or you'll hurt their feelings!" And what the hell is he complaining about WITH HIS RALPH LAUREN JACKET?!
But of course, being me, I sat there quietly, wondering if anyone ever thought of The Government they so easily accuse for all the horrible things in the world as a group of people who wake up early six mornings a week, kiss their wives good-bye and head off to work. I wonder if they realize that their daughters pack them a nice lunch in a heat-proof container because they don't get back until late at night. I wonder if they realize that every time there's a security threat on the holidays, their whole families have to rush back to Cairo to save the day once again.
But it's so easy for British Fuck Boy to strut into class with his perfect hair and perfect clothes and sip his morning double latté from L'Aroma and blame my father for things he doesn't see and doesn't understand.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Things I Need to Eliminate from my Life in Order to Move On
1. Just about half the songs I've ever heard in my life
2. The pink elephant on my bed
3. 296 of the 2509 pictures I have on Facebook
4. Fagnoon and Nady El Agyad
5. Sidi Gaber and all of Alexandria
6. The hanging butterfly inside my closet
7. The Counting Crows lyrics on my closet door
8. The white cardigan
9. Three pairs of earings and a mood necklace
10. The Tech Meseum Awards calendar inside my closet
11. The Fusion painting inside my closet
12. Zamalek
13. And especially Dido's
14. Blueberry Glazed donuts from Dunkin' Donuts
15. Mint-top toothpicks
16. The box on the floor of my closet
17. Guitars
18. AIESEC Conferences
19. City Stars
20. The Prestige, The Last King of Scotland, Knocked Up
21. Sakya
22. The Bon Jovi poster hanging inside my closet door above the Tech calendar
23. Faisal w share3 Mourad
24. Sogo2 and assab
25. My password
26. Stupid words like "wazafak" and "ghoby" and "ezzaaaaaay"
27. To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
28. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
29. Estonia bracelet
30. My desktop background
2. The pink elephant on my bed
3. 296 of the 2509 pictures I have on Facebook
4. Fagnoon and Nady El Agyad
5. Sidi Gaber and all of Alexandria
6. The hanging butterfly inside my closet
7. The Counting Crows lyrics on my closet door
8. The white cardigan
9. Three pairs of earings and a mood necklace
10. The Tech Meseum Awards calendar inside my closet
11. The Fusion painting inside my closet
12. Zamalek
13. And especially Dido's
14. Blueberry Glazed donuts from Dunkin' Donuts
15. Mint-top toothpicks
16. The box on the floor of my closet
17. Guitars
18. AIESEC Conferences
19. City Stars
20. The Prestige, The Last King of Scotland, Knocked Up
21. Sakya
22. The Bon Jovi poster hanging inside my closet door above the Tech calendar
23. Faisal w share3 Mourad
24. Sogo2 and assab
25. My password
26. Stupid words like "wazafak" and "ghoby" and "ezzaaaaaay"
27. To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
28. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
29. Estonia bracelet
30. My desktop background
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
For Blue Skies
How many times does history have to repeat itself before I start learning from my mistakes. It's simple: don't call Hany from your cell so much or your dad will see the phone bill shoot up, and he will make your life miserable. So why do I keep forgetting that? Why do I keep on calling? And why do I have seven million Waseem songs that vary in theme from sad to angry to nostalgic. Each one marking a different time and a different stage in our relationship. I've been stuck in this Waseem loop for years and I can't get past it and I can't get over it.
Maybe that's why I want so badly to leave this summer. So I can feel something new. It's only just dawning on me that my life really has become a boring pop song and everyone else is singing along. And Microsoft and Google never replied.
Maybe that's why I want so badly to leave this summer. So I can feel something new. It's only just dawning on me that my life really has become a boring pop song and everyone else is singing along. And Microsoft and Google never replied.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
I'm Back
I haven't written anything here in a while. I think I've discovered that my life isn't all that interesting to write about. "Dear Diary. Today I wrote a program. Life sucks." And while it is true, I started a blog at probably the toughest time in my life, just how many sad and existentialist posts can I write before sounding repetitive? Winter break is nice and relaxing. Nothing has happened in the past month (except for a little turbulence in the love department, but I'm choosing to block that out for now) and I love it that way. It's the first vacation I've had since something like high school and it's refreshing. I almost forgot what it feels like to wake up at noon and not feel guilty about it. I have absolutely nothing to do. Wow.
I'm feeling anxious these days because Google and Microsoft both haven't replied after I applied for summer internships there. My better judgment tells me it's over and to just move one, but it's too disappointing to consider. This summer is supposed to be my adventure. It's supposed to be the highlight of my blog. I want to travel and experience independence and be on my own and work and achieve something. I just can't handle another summer getting tossed back and forth between Cairo and Marina. So if it's not Google or Microsoft, I guess I'll have to settle for an AIESEC internship. Maybe go to the Far East. Learn about a new culture.
Speaking of travel, I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks! Sucks though, I'm missing an AIESEC conference. Relieved too, though, the leadership track isn't all as fun as the members track used to be. New York. But what is there to hope for, except to get hit on and buy fabulous clothes? I don't want to be dramatic and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I would rather stay and go somewhere inside Cairo and stay at a crappy two star hotel with my AIESEC people. I want to go to Dahab and climb a mountain. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, so here's to hoping I'll find more than some clothes and some flirty guy in New York.
Grey's Anatomy just finished downloading. Thank God those writers are done with their strike and all my shows are back. Grey's Anatomy makes me cry and I love it.
I'm feeling anxious these days because Google and Microsoft both haven't replied after I applied for summer internships there. My better judgment tells me it's over and to just move one, but it's too disappointing to consider. This summer is supposed to be my adventure. It's supposed to be the highlight of my blog. I want to travel and experience independence and be on my own and work and achieve something. I just can't handle another summer getting tossed back and forth between Cairo and Marina. So if it's not Google or Microsoft, I guess I'll have to settle for an AIESEC internship. Maybe go to the Far East. Learn about a new culture.
Speaking of travel, I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks! Sucks though, I'm missing an AIESEC conference. Relieved too, though, the leadership track isn't all as fun as the members track used to be. New York. But what is there to hope for, except to get hit on and buy fabulous clothes? I don't want to be dramatic and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I would rather stay and go somewhere inside Cairo and stay at a crappy two star hotel with my AIESEC people. I want to go to Dahab and climb a mountain. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, so here's to hoping I'll find more than some clothes and some flirty guy in New York.
Grey's Anatomy just finished downloading. Thank God those writers are done with their strike and all my shows are back. Grey's Anatomy makes me cry and I love it.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Seventeen Days
People tend to think I'm cold and emotionless and somewhat like a robot. But then I have Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies playing in the back of my head because I want nothing more than a shoulder to cry on. A literal shoulder with absolutely no other purpose than to replace my pillow.
I want to forget about everything and sleep for three days and do nothing productive. But I have an assignment due tomorrow and a meeting to prepare for so it's another night where I'm up for the most part. The unproductive sleep will have to wait till winter break. It's been waiting for almost two years now. I doubt I'll have time to sleep in winter break either.
I want to sleep. I want to download music and read lyrics all day. I never want to leave my house. I want to move out of my house, into a new house, and never leave that house. I want to quit. School and AIESEC specifically. Maybe family and friends too. I want to stop feeling like I want to quit. I want the year to be over with already.
I want to go against everyone's expectations and call somebody and cry and talk and cry for hours till I feel better. I can't find anyone to call right now. I want to send somebody an email but I think I've sent somebody too many depressed crying emails already. I'm trying to wait patiently for seventeen more days but I feel like I can't hold it all together for that long.
I hope no one ever reads this. If you're somebody reading this, please disregard it completely. I need to vent and I have no where else to turn to.
I want to forget about everything and sleep for three days and do nothing productive. But I have an assignment due tomorrow and a meeting to prepare for so it's another night where I'm up for the most part. The unproductive sleep will have to wait till winter break. It's been waiting for almost two years now. I doubt I'll have time to sleep in winter break either.
I want to sleep. I want to download music and read lyrics all day. I never want to leave my house. I want to move out of my house, into a new house, and never leave that house. I want to quit. School and AIESEC specifically. Maybe family and friends too. I want to stop feeling like I want to quit. I want the year to be over with already.
I want to go against everyone's expectations and call somebody and cry and talk and cry for hours till I feel better. I can't find anyone to call right now. I want to send somebody an email but I think I've sent somebody too many depressed crying emails already. I'm trying to wait patiently for seventeen more days but I feel like I can't hold it all together for that long.
I hope no one ever reads this. If you're somebody reading this, please disregard it completely. I need to vent and I have no where else to turn to.
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