An Epiphany aka“I Once Told a Guy I Liked Emotionally Naked Men. He Thought all He Had to Do Was Take off his Shirt.”

I miss my blog. It’s been a while since I’ve blabbered about the random thoughts that go through my head. I recently discovered that there are at least five individuals that read my blog on a regular basis. That scares the living crap out of me. I feel like there are five people in this world that have seen me naked. I guess that’s why it’s been a complete month since I’ve clicked “New Post”. Don’t think for a second that it’s because I haven’t been having random thoughts, because I have had plenty of them. About love and stereotypes and certain boys and The Government and the rules society imposes on us and the fact that I am going to Brazil next week and women’s rights in Egypt. So I will confess that there have been many times where I started a blog post in my head or even in a word document and quickly clicked “No” when Microsoft asked me if I wanted to save changes to Document1.

Everyone who knows me has heard me say at one point in time, “I hate people”. One thing I pride myself for is being able to admit my flaws. But why I hate people has always been a mystery to me, which is part of the reason why I never do anything to try and change that. But yesterday while I was having a very fitful and short sleep, I came to a realization, an epiphany if you will. I don’t REALLY hate people, I just hate people who are judgmental or people who are not tolerant to other people’s beliefs (whether religious beliefs, or my belief that “beauty” is a demoralizing term used to make perfect human beings feel incompetent, or anything in between). But since virtually everyone in the world is judgmental and intolerant, I HATE ALMOST EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD. But that’s not even my epiphany, that’s something I’ve half-known all along that only became more clear to me from talking to Hossam Nassef (has anyone Googled him yet?)

I am a girl that people do not get to know all that easily. Even people who think they know me well or have known me for a very long time, they’d be surprised. Like I said, I have the ability to admit my own flaws. But if you peel off the layers of silliness and immaturity, and then peel off the layers of anger, all you will be left with is a very, very scared little girl. I can handle being judged by the people I hate because I have strong convictions that it reflects nothing about me. But for the people who got to peel and peel (or the people who just followed this link), they might have judgments and they might be accurate and that scares the shit out of me.

Rawlla Cawsta *British Accent Version*

There's just something about being the only one in a crowd of people that doesn't drink and have sex that I just can't get over. Especially when both points are magnified at the same time. My first night in London, I couldn't shake off the feeling that AIESEC tends to put me in an environment I don't believe in. But then again, maybe it exposes me to the world beyond the shelter I live in. It's an experience you don't get anywhere else; the internationalism, the amount of responsibility, the exposure to new ideas and new cultures.

 

This weekend I learnt something new about AIESEC. I learnt that it operates in over 100 countries. A fact that is written on every flyer and webpage ever created to comply with the AIESEC brand. A fact that I got to experience first hand and see with my own eyes for the very first time. I sat at a long table with six other people, each one from a different part of the world, each one representing their country. I felt like I was back as a delegate in Model United Nations, except that this wasn't a model. The people representing each country represented the countries they came from. And the issues we were discussing were real. It made me feel important and influential.

 

Next month I am going to Brazil for a full scale AIESEC conference. I can't describe how pumped I am to multiply the number of people I'll meet by 100. Add a odd hundred to their nationalities. Intensify the experience a bit more. I feel like I'm writing up a poster ad for AIESEC, but this is seriously what it is. If anyone (but probably no one) scrolls down to earlier AIESEC-related posts that include me cursing the day I joined they'll be confused. But AIESEC, just like parents and boyfriends, has that inherent ability to give you rollercoaster highs and lows. This is the high.

The Age of Spiritual Machines

I have a mental Delete button that I can use to delete people out of my life. I wish I had a Shift+Delete button because every time I delete someone out of my life, he finds a way to crawl back in.

The (Bitter) Sweetest Thing

I thought heavily daydreaming about someone was a sure sign that you are over someone else. But I guess the fact that every time I watch something with a hint of romance, I invariably feel bitter and shitty afterwards is a sure sign of the fact that I am NOT over someone else. Which is a strange thing for me to think of because I don't even miss someone else. Someone else has a concert tomorrow that I am missing and I don't really mind.

I guess I miss having a someone else but not that someone else in particular. I miss the feeling like it's 2:53 AM and I feel the need to call a person I miss. I miss the random, funny, sweet memories you accumulate over time with a person.

There are things I don't miss too. I don't miss calling a person at 2:53 AM to fight. I don't miss screwing up friendships for a person. And I definitely don't miss feeling forced to do things I don't believe in for a person. My dad always tell me if I believe in something I'll put all my heart and soul into it; but when I don't believe in something, it's hell. Which is pretty much true, I guess I give my father less credit than I should. But that's just how I am and I don't see how that could ever change.

I don't like drama. And I don't like someone crowding my space. I wish I could have a boyfriend with none of the bad strings attached. But I know that no guy in his right mind and on my date-able scale would ever exist somewhere near where I exist. That's what leaves me with the bitter/shitty feeling that comes with movies and anything else that reminds me of romance, or the lack thereof.

I fear I am a difficult woman that no one would ever be capable of putting up with. I have internal mental panic attacks because I think I might die a single, lonely virgin. Which seems highly unfair to me, because should I really be miserable because I have strong convictions? I would hate for anyone to think I am a feminist, so I guess I'll end this post right here before I start getting into The Consequences of Being a Strong Woman in the Arab World.

Confession

There is a certain someone that I am having huge, uncontrollable romantic thoughts about. If only that someone hasn't been having romantic thoughts about another someone for the past five years.

AIESEC News by Dalia Said

Dear AIESEC Egypt!

It gives me great privilege to announce the newly selected MCVP Projects of AIESEC Egypt.

Drum Rolls (Salalem Style ;) )

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HEBA ZAGHLOUL current LCVP Projects AIESEC AUC!!!

BIG WARM WELCOME YA HEBA TO THE MC TEAM OF HENZO, MAGDA, AND I !

Can't wait to work together all next year!

For all those would like to congradulate Heba please contact her on heba.zaghloul@aiesec.net. Thank you to all the people that supported with inputs on this decision!

Warm wishes,

Dalia A. Said
President AIESEC Egypt 2008 - 2009

E-mail: dalia.said@aiesec.net
Skype: dalia.said
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4C, Road 231, Degla, Maadi, Cairo
Tel: +2 02 5203149
Mobile: +2 012 7699724
Web Page: www.aiesec.org

Withdraw Ceremony Opening Speech

When I joined AIESEC two years ago, no one told me I would stand up on a stage and give the opening speech for an event I planned out myself. They only told me the same thing I read on every AIESEC document that ever goes through my hands: that AIESEC is the international platform for young people to develop and discover their potential. So for the past two years I have been taking on new challenges, learning and growing from them. And for the past 60 years, AIESECers from all over the world have been doing the exact same thing.

I am sure that everyone who is here today has heard of AIESEC at some point or another, so I won't bore you with the number of leadership opportunities, international conferences, or exchange opportunities that AIESEC offers in its 100+ countries. But AIESEC is not really defined by the global descriptor or the numbers you find on the first page of aiesec.org.

In fact, I am having a hard time describing to you what AIESEC really is and I think if you were to ask anyone in AIESEC, whether the people who are here today or others that are from different parts of the world, no one will give you the same answer of what AIESEC really means to them. So instead, I will just tell you what AIESEC means to me: it is the only place where I can watch people I know (myself included) transform into more confident and more capable human beings.
For example, last summer I spent so much time thinking, "what are the biggest problems in Egypt? Or, what are the most important issues in Egypt?" It was challenging. And it was scary because I felt I had all this control over something, what if I was to ruin it? So I spent countless nights in various cafes with numerous people until I finally found a topic: awareness about drug abuse.

I know when people want to think of the problems facing Egypt, the first couple of issues that pops into their minds are poverty and illiteracy, unemployment and inflation. But the biggest problems are the ones that go unnoticed. The biggest problem is that people do not realize that 12.2% of Egyptian students are not only using, but are dependant on drugs. The biggest problem is that there are over 439,000 regular drug users who are children in Egypt, and no one is doing anything about it.

I realize that my team and I are not the best experts about drug abuse. We are a group of university students who care enough about the society and the world we live in to want to make a difference. I stand here today with confidence, telling you that we did make a difference. We made a difference on the small number of people that have attended our sessions, but we made a difference nonetheless. Even the process of researching, contacting learning partners, and attending those sessions was an enlightening experience for us.

And I think the biggest impact we had was on ourselves and on each other. I have been with this team for almost a year now, and I can look at each and every single person and spend an hour on how they have changed and developed from then till now. This is what AIESEC does.
Our sessions are not there to convince addicts to check into a rehab. Nor do they preach to young people to think of their futures and to think of their health and treat their bodies better. They are there simply to educate people about the biological, emotional, physical, and psychological hazards of addiction. These sessions have been interesting to say the least and I am personally grateful for all the people who helped put it all together. I guess this brings me to the thanking portion of the speech. I would like to thank everyone taking part in this event: our sponsor Technology Universe, our caterers Euro Deli, our speaker Dr. Hany Seliman, and the band Salalem.

But I would especially like to thank my team of highly dedicated and hard working people who I am still in shock were able to put together an event so late in the semester and so close to their exams. And I would like to mention each person by name and thank them for their contribution because each and every one of them took part in making this night happen. They are Maha Eshak, Khaled Zikry, Asmaa Emad El Deen, Sherif Othman, Nardin Nakhla, Omar Rohaiem, Nader Ramadan, Hicham Zaidi and Fady Barsoum.

And also my team mangers: Heba Amin, Nadia Hegazy and especially, Heidi Awadallah, who is such a shy and quiet girl that you would never notice that she is main person behind the success of this whole event.

To be completely honest, the day so far has been a very stressful experience for me. But it has also been a learning experience, just like every experience I go through in AIESEC. And I hope you all enjoy the rest of the night.