23 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1. Backpack through Europe
   
2. Go to Australia
   
3. Go surfing
   
4. Learn a new language
   
5. Be a mom
   
6. Have really long hair
   
7. Go on a road trip through Egypt
   
8. Climb St. Catherine
   
9. Work for Google
   
10. Write a novel
    
11. Play an instrument
    
12. Go into a sex shop
    
13. Visit 100 countries
    
14. Live alone
    
15. Go on hig
    
16. Camp in the desert
    
17. Take self-defense classes
    
18. Go swimming in the ocean at night
    
19. Go to a strip club
    
20. Audition for reality show
    
21. Go to the movies four times in a row
    
22. Live in another country
    
23. Meet Nawal El Saadawi
    

3ashan Ta3rafo Bas, I'm Not Crazy

My sister met my boyfriend of just barely three months last night. The first thing she said to me afterwards was that she got a good vibe from him. The second thing she said to me was, “howa momken yet2adem emta?”

I wish I could escape all of it.

Trophy Boys, Trophy Wives

My mom keeps asking me if any of my friends are getting engaged, married or having babies. It’s insane to her that my 21 year old girlfriends who just graduated from college are all single. It’s insane to me that she would think that. I’m not being temperamental and I’m not trying to be rebellious or make a statement, but I just don’t understand why in the world everyone thinks that for a woman to find true happiness and success in life she has to find a husband. Like it’s the trophy you get for growing up well. “Congratulations, you’re a smart, sexy, pretty and funny woman! You win a man who will put up with you, fuck you, and let you do the dishes and laundry.” Some prize that is.

I won’t get into the fact that half of all marriages end in divorce, abuse or some form of unhappiness. But I just think there must be some alternative one can look forward to other than a simple domestic life. Perhaps some people are just better off being alone; exploring, traveling, discovering the world. I’m not saying that I’m one of those people. Let me be the first to tell you that I dream of having eight babies. Cooking romantic meals for my husband. Cleaning up after my kids. Driving them to soccer practice. But I just wish that I could feel that this really is what I want for myself. Not what society is enforcing me to have.

I usually tend to talk about how much I hate society versus my own individual wants and thoughts. And I know that most of that talk is overused and overrated. But it’s frustrating for me that ever since my sister got married and I have been having people I barely know tell me how much they can’t wait for my night as well or how they’re dreaming of the day they come visit my house with my husband. LIKE I CAN’T GET A HOUSE MYSELF!

My sister told me today that if a woman is 25 and single, her hopes for ever falling in love and living happily (married) ever after start to diminish. Apparently that leaves me three and a half years find that perfect man (or keep the current one around long enough), get that perfectly romantic proposal, anxiously introduce him to my parents, save up a shitload of money or all that a marriage entails, and go through the great ordeal of planning a wedding. Should I feel like I’m running out of time?

A Million Little Pieces

Individuality

I am just like Jean-Jacques Rousseau in that I have always prided myself on being different. He said: “But I am made unlike any one I have ever met; I will even venture to say that I am like no one in the whole world. I may be no better, but at least I am different.” I make a habit out of rejecting what society calls “normal”; challenging it and forming my own opinion of it and usually this opinion is in opposition. Mohammed Al Garf called me rebellious and I said I called it “individuality”. I discussed this openly at an AIESEC conference and everyone stared at me with gaping mouths and confused eyes. My Management professor defined rebellion as “the rejection of all values and norms”, conformity as “acceptance of all values and norms”, and creative individualism as “the acceptance of only pivotal values; rejection of others”. Next AIESEC conference, maybe I’ll talk to people about my creative individualism.

Future

I started my last semester at the new campus two weeks ago and ever since then I have been consistently doing two things: 1. complaining about everything that has to do with university; and 2. counting down till I don’t have undergraduate classes ever again. Right now I have 12 and a half weeks left. But I just realized that after 12 and a half weeks, I have no clue what I’m going to get up and do every morning. I have to start exploring the world and myself; I have 12 and a half weeks to make discoveries. But all I’ve ever known is that I want to travel the world and find a way to live on my own.

Performance Appraisal

I was recently told that I see the cup half empty; I criticize and poke holes instead of acknowledging a concern with possible solutions. I was told that I tend to get very stressed out when someone steps into my work. I worry about myself that I can never get close to people. I worry that I repeat my mistakes and that I am extremely stubborn. I trust too easily and I am very unforgiving.

Australia

The one positive personal thought I have from attending International Congress 2008 in Brazil is that I want to live in Australia. I want to learn how to surf, eat fish all day and become a complete hippie. But apparently Australia is about 17 hours away.

Emotional Investment

I recently realized that in the past four years, I have been single an aggregated sum of just about six months. I think it’s pathetic that I am be a woman who believes and fights for her strength and independence, yet I am a woman who cannot seem to live without affection from a member of the opposite sex. It makes me paradoxical and it makes me naïve and that is even worse. Jon Bon Jovi sings out to me, “I hated you the night you said you loved me/I hated you ‘cause I couldn’t love myself.” Perhaps that explains why all my relationships self-destruct? I am trying to learn and evolve. Apparently the wall I am oh-so-famous for having around me is gone. I am now willing and able to let people underneath at least one layer of my skin and see me. So there is still hope.

Egyptian Girls Who Sleep with their Boyfriends

The inside of the door of one of the bathroom stalls on the second floor New Falaki building discusses this topic. Everyone who wrote on the wall to discuss this topicl is judgmental. It’s judgmental to think that the girls who sleep with their boyfriends are whores. It’s judgmental to think that it’s closed minded to think that girls who sleep with their boyfriends are whores. I think everyone should be free to do whatever the fuck they want. And I wonder, why is no one discussing Egyptian boys who sleep with their girlfriends?

Time and Space

I now believe in Einstein’s theory of special relativity and the structure of spacetime. I seem to have been moving in time but in fact, I haven’t been moving at all. There are people that have not been a part of my life for some reason or another who are suddenly back. Or rather, all this time I thought life was progressing and all the while time has been standing still. There is Mahmoud Al Durrah who shares my gaps on MWs. We sit and it’s as if we didn’t get into a fight over a year ago and stop talking to each other completely. Adham Zidan was my first Computer Science friend, but since he switched majors two years ago, we have had nothing else in common. Now he is in my Romanticism class and he is not the same person I met four years ago. But there was a hint then of the person he is now, and the puzzle has fallen entirely to place. Shyma Zikry. Where do I start with this story? All I can say is that freshmen and sophomore years were probably the best two years of my life. I never realized that until now, and I never realized how much I missed this girl until now. I never thought we would ever be able to get past all the bullshit and be Heisse Pynk again, but I have bended time and space.

An Epiphany aka“I Once Told a Guy I Liked Emotionally Naked Men. He Thought all He Had to Do Was Take off his Shirt.”

I miss my blog. It’s been a while since I’ve blabbered about the random thoughts that go through my head. I recently discovered that there are at least five individuals that read my blog on a regular basis. That scares the living crap out of me. I feel like there are five people in this world that have seen me naked. I guess that’s why it’s been a complete month since I’ve clicked “New Post”. Don’t think for a second that it’s because I haven’t been having random thoughts, because I have had plenty of them. About love and stereotypes and certain boys and The Government and the rules society imposes on us and the fact that I am going to Brazil next week and women’s rights in Egypt. So I will confess that there have been many times where I started a blog post in my head or even in a word document and quickly clicked “No” when Microsoft asked me if I wanted to save changes to Document1.

Everyone who knows me has heard me say at one point in time, “I hate people”. One thing I pride myself for is being able to admit my flaws. But why I hate people has always been a mystery to me, which is part of the reason why I never do anything to try and change that. But yesterday while I was having a very fitful and short sleep, I came to a realization, an epiphany if you will. I don’t REALLY hate people, I just hate people who are judgmental or people who are not tolerant to other people’s beliefs (whether religious beliefs, or my belief that “beauty” is a demoralizing term used to make perfect human beings feel incompetent, or anything in between). But since virtually everyone in the world is judgmental and intolerant, I HATE ALMOST EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD. But that’s not even my epiphany, that’s something I’ve half-known all along that only became more clear to me from talking to Hossam Nassef (has anyone Googled him yet?)

I am a girl that people do not get to know all that easily. Even people who think they know me well or have known me for a very long time, they’d be surprised. Like I said, I have the ability to admit my own flaws. But if you peel off the layers of silliness and immaturity, and then peel off the layers of anger, all you will be left with is a very, very scared little girl. I can handle being judged by the people I hate because I have strong convictions that it reflects nothing about me. But for the people who got to peel and peel (or the people who just followed this link), they might have judgments and they might be accurate and that scares the shit out of me.

Rawlla Cawsta *British Accent Version*

There's just something about being the only one in a crowd of people that doesn't drink and have sex that I just can't get over. Especially when both points are magnified at the same time. My first night in London, I couldn't shake off the feeling that AIESEC tends to put me in an environment I don't believe in. But then again, maybe it exposes me to the world beyond the shelter I live in. It's an experience you don't get anywhere else; the internationalism, the amount of responsibility, the exposure to new ideas and new cultures.

 

This weekend I learnt something new about AIESEC. I learnt that it operates in over 100 countries. A fact that is written on every flyer and webpage ever created to comply with the AIESEC brand. A fact that I got to experience first hand and see with my own eyes for the very first time. I sat at a long table with six other people, each one from a different part of the world, each one representing their country. I felt like I was back as a delegate in Model United Nations, except that this wasn't a model. The people representing each country represented the countries they came from. And the issues we were discussing were real. It made me feel important and influential.

 

Next month I am going to Brazil for a full scale AIESEC conference. I can't describe how pumped I am to multiply the number of people I'll meet by 100. Add a odd hundred to their nationalities. Intensify the experience a bit more. I feel like I'm writing up a poster ad for AIESEC, but this is seriously what it is. If anyone (but probably no one) scrolls down to earlier AIESEC-related posts that include me cursing the day I joined they'll be confused. But AIESEC, just like parents and boyfriends, has that inherent ability to give you rollercoaster highs and lows. This is the high.

The Age of Spiritual Machines

I have a mental Delete button that I can use to delete people out of my life. I wish I had a Shift+Delete button because every time I delete someone out of my life, he finds a way to crawl back in.

The (Bitter) Sweetest Thing

I thought heavily daydreaming about someone was a sure sign that you are over someone else. But I guess the fact that every time I watch something with a hint of romance, I invariably feel bitter and shitty afterwards is a sure sign of the fact that I am NOT over someone else. Which is a strange thing for me to think of because I don't even miss someone else. Someone else has a concert tomorrow that I am missing and I don't really mind.

I guess I miss having a someone else but not that someone else in particular. I miss the feeling like it's 2:53 AM and I feel the need to call a person I miss. I miss the random, funny, sweet memories you accumulate over time with a person.

There are things I don't miss too. I don't miss calling a person at 2:53 AM to fight. I don't miss screwing up friendships for a person. And I definitely don't miss feeling forced to do things I don't believe in for a person. My dad always tell me if I believe in something I'll put all my heart and soul into it; but when I don't believe in something, it's hell. Which is pretty much true, I guess I give my father less credit than I should. But that's just how I am and I don't see how that could ever change.

I don't like drama. And I don't like someone crowding my space. I wish I could have a boyfriend with none of the bad strings attached. But I know that no guy in his right mind and on my date-able scale would ever exist somewhere near where I exist. That's what leaves me with the bitter/shitty feeling that comes with movies and anything else that reminds me of romance, or the lack thereof.

I fear I am a difficult woman that no one would ever be capable of putting up with. I have internal mental panic attacks because I think I might die a single, lonely virgin. Which seems highly unfair to me, because should I really be miserable because I have strong convictions? I would hate for anyone to think I am a feminist, so I guess I'll end this post right here before I start getting into The Consequences of Being a Strong Woman in the Arab World.

Confession

There is a certain someone that I am having huge, uncontrollable romantic thoughts about. If only that someone hasn't been having romantic thoughts about another someone for the past five years.

AIESEC News by Dalia Said

Dear AIESEC Egypt!

It gives me great privilege to announce the newly selected MCVP Projects of AIESEC Egypt.

Drum Rolls (Salalem Style ;) )

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HEBA ZAGHLOUL current LCVP Projects AIESEC AUC!!!

BIG WARM WELCOME YA HEBA TO THE MC TEAM OF HENZO, MAGDA, AND I !

Can't wait to work together all next year!

For all those would like to congradulate Heba please contact her on heba.zaghloul@aiesec.net. Thank you to all the people that supported with inputs on this decision!

Warm wishes,

Dalia A. Said
President AIESEC Egypt 2008 - 2009

E-mail: dalia.said@aiesec.net
Skype: dalia.said
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4C, Road 231, Degla, Maadi, Cairo
Tel: +2 02 5203149
Mobile: +2 012 7699724
Web Page: www.aiesec.org

Withdraw Ceremony Opening Speech

When I joined AIESEC two years ago, no one told me I would stand up on a stage and give the opening speech for an event I planned out myself. They only told me the same thing I read on every AIESEC document that ever goes through my hands: that AIESEC is the international platform for young people to develop and discover their potential. So for the past two years I have been taking on new challenges, learning and growing from them. And for the past 60 years, AIESECers from all over the world have been doing the exact same thing.

I am sure that everyone who is here today has heard of AIESEC at some point or another, so I won't bore you with the number of leadership opportunities, international conferences, or exchange opportunities that AIESEC offers in its 100+ countries. But AIESEC is not really defined by the global descriptor or the numbers you find on the first page of aiesec.org.

In fact, I am having a hard time describing to you what AIESEC really is and I think if you were to ask anyone in AIESEC, whether the people who are here today or others that are from different parts of the world, no one will give you the same answer of what AIESEC really means to them. So instead, I will just tell you what AIESEC means to me: it is the only place where I can watch people I know (myself included) transform into more confident and more capable human beings.
For example, last summer I spent so much time thinking, "what are the biggest problems in Egypt? Or, what are the most important issues in Egypt?" It was challenging. And it was scary because I felt I had all this control over something, what if I was to ruin it? So I spent countless nights in various cafes with numerous people until I finally found a topic: awareness about drug abuse.

I know when people want to think of the problems facing Egypt, the first couple of issues that pops into their minds are poverty and illiteracy, unemployment and inflation. But the biggest problems are the ones that go unnoticed. The biggest problem is that people do not realize that 12.2% of Egyptian students are not only using, but are dependant on drugs. The biggest problem is that there are over 439,000 regular drug users who are children in Egypt, and no one is doing anything about it.

I realize that my team and I are not the best experts about drug abuse. We are a group of university students who care enough about the society and the world we live in to want to make a difference. I stand here today with confidence, telling you that we did make a difference. We made a difference on the small number of people that have attended our sessions, but we made a difference nonetheless. Even the process of researching, contacting learning partners, and attending those sessions was an enlightening experience for us.

And I think the biggest impact we had was on ourselves and on each other. I have been with this team for almost a year now, and I can look at each and every single person and spend an hour on how they have changed and developed from then till now. This is what AIESEC does.
Our sessions are not there to convince addicts to check into a rehab. Nor do they preach to young people to think of their futures and to think of their health and treat their bodies better. They are there simply to educate people about the biological, emotional, physical, and psychological hazards of addiction. These sessions have been interesting to say the least and I am personally grateful for all the people who helped put it all together. I guess this brings me to the thanking portion of the speech. I would like to thank everyone taking part in this event: our sponsor Technology Universe, our caterers Euro Deli, our speaker Dr. Hany Seliman, and the band Salalem.

But I would especially like to thank my team of highly dedicated and hard working people who I am still in shock were able to put together an event so late in the semester and so close to their exams. And I would like to mention each person by name and thank them for their contribution because each and every one of them took part in making this night happen. They are Maha Eshak, Khaled Zikry, Asmaa Emad El Deen, Sherif Othman, Nardin Nakhla, Omar Rohaiem, Nader Ramadan, Hicham Zaidi and Fady Barsoum.

And also my team mangers: Heba Amin, Nadia Hegazy and especially, Heidi Awadallah, who is such a shy and quiet girl that you would never notice that she is main person behind the success of this whole event.

To be completely honest, the day so far has been a very stressful experience for me. But it has also been a learning experience, just like every experience I go through in AIESEC. And I hope you all enjoy the rest of the night.

Parley

Because there are Plenty of Fish in the Sea

• Fish are fish, there are a lot of them in the sea and they are all pretty much identical. It's only when you catch one that you think it's a special fish.
• Fish die. Life goes on. You find new fish.
• Some fish have ears and they like to listen to their female counterparts. If you're in the boat long enough, you'll eventually meet one.
• You don't need a fish to make you happy; you just need any sort of fish to keep you from getting lonely.
• Sometimes when you're young and you don't need to settle down just yet, you can have fun with as many fish as you like.
• Some fish are just bastards. That's how life goes.
• When you don't have fish you have more shrimp (because shrimp are used as bait to catch fish, the shrimp can be analogous to your friends).
• Flirting with fish is always fun.
• If it's my destiny to catch a fish and keep it forever, it'll happen
• If not, I'll stay a virgin forever. I'm pretty sure I'll find compensation in heaven.
• But I'm pretty sure that fish will come along
• And when it does, we'll get married on the beach at sunset.

Written at 6:30 this Morning

Every time I think of a certain something I’ve been trying so hard not to think of because I have a marketing exam in two hours, my stomach turns. And why exactly is my stomach turning? I don’t know. I’m somewhere between being angry and being upset. I want to yell and scream and kick, but I have no one to yell at, scream at, or kick.

It angers me because there’s supposed to be a mourning period. There is supposed to be a period of disoriented sadness. And the fact that you don’t have that only proves to me even more that you really did stop loving me at a point and that never went away. It makes me feel weak and stupid to say this, but you never really loved me as much as I loved you. And as glad as I am that I fought for us for as long as I did (from December to April, I’d say) because at least I know that there was absolutely nothing more I can do, it sickens me, absolutely sickens me, that from December to April all you wanted was a way out.

You changed. California changed you, distance changed you, or maybe time changed you. I don’t know and frankly, I’m done trying to analyze this. I loved (and still do love) the person you were before California. I miss this person. I wanted to marry this person. There were moments when I knew that this person was everything I needed from this world. He still is everything I need in this world. But he’s not you. That’s why I feel sad and broken hearted. That’s why my tear ducts seem to give way at the most random of times.

But you don’t feel any of that. You’re already out flirting with girls right in front of my eyes. It makes me want to smash someone’s head with a baseball bat. Because it is impossible for someone to move on that fast. Even when I made that list on my blog, it didn’t mean I was over you, it meant there were certain things in my life (too many things in my life) that used to make me happy that started making me sad. You listen to Sia and you move on. The first time I listened to that album I felt like crying. Every time I listen to Day Too Soon, I cry thinking about what should’ve or could’ve (but really, should’ve) been.

When we kept talking after we broke up, it was painful for me. But I kept talking to you because I felt there was something about you that I will always love and because you became such a big part of my life that it would be impossible for me to cut you out. I never did it because it was “the right thing to do” and I never did it because a year and two months shouldn’t go to waste or because I had already spent so much time, emotion, effort, money and morality on you.

And as hard as it would be for me to cut you out of my life, the worst thin in the world for me right now is to stay friends with you while I am broken and bruised and you are in this state of what I like to think is denial because it makes me feel better about myself.

I really would have wanted nothing more than for you to be the person I would call to tell you that I told Norine Farah that I made fun of her without knowing her and that I apologized to her for it. Because there are some special things that I can only share with you because you would be the only person to understand me.

But for now I have to get away from you. You are just about 80% of the reason why I want to get out of here this summer. So I’m making a clean break and I hope you can understand this. This is my closure. So good bye. For now or for forever. I don’t know, but I guess we will.

I Hate my Thesis Group

I don't particularly hate the individuals in my thesis group (although I must in all honesty say that there are certain individual(s) in my thesis group that I severely hate). I hate the fact that I woke up at 8:30 this morning only to be the first and only one in the lab for just about an hour. I hate the fact that I've been here for three and a half hours and nothing productive has come out of it. But what I hate the most is how a certain individual in my thesis group seems to think she is doing the greatest job in the world.

Communication is a bitch. It always seems to be me and a certain other individual against the remaining two individuals in my thesis group. Every time we fight it's always two against two. But the worst thing ever is that I know that we're going to be stuck in this mess all the way until December. It's hard for me to try to have a great senior project with all this. It's like everything they teach you in AIESEC. About the importance of interpersonal competencies and team building. Performance appraisals and flush sessions. But I can't just step into lab 611 and say, "Hey, let's define clear job descriptions for each member and review them monthly while doing goal setting." Although I know that would work a lot better than the situation we're in now.

It's frustrating because I want to have a good thesis. I want to make my parents proud of me. I want to create a kick ass mobile application. And I want to have fun doing it, but I've already given up on that far-fetched dream. So instead I'm just counting down. To graduation. But it's more like I'm counting down till I don't have to see these people anymore. Eight more months.

Happy Freakin' Birthday

There's something about being in university all day and being overwhelmed by the amount of work I have that makes me forget just how miserable I am. But then when I get home and I am left my pajamas and my laptop, that's when I turn to my iPod for comfort. That's when I feel like crawling into bed forever and crying like a baby. That's when I feel so much hatred and anger towards no one in particular, and the frustration of not having anywhere to channel these feelings starts to consume me.

I wore a t-shirt that says, "kiss me… it's my birthday" today, but I don't want anyone to kiss me and I want to forget that it's my birthday. But I also don't want to attract attention to my manic depression and be forced to answer questions like, "are you really okay?" and "you know you can always talk to me, right?" Because the truth is, there is only one person I want to talk to. I want to call someone and just cry openly and freely and complain about everything I feel I lost and about the horrible pain I felt when I opened that box that is hiding on the floor of my closet. But I can't call someone. My denial is telling me that it is only a matter of time before he returns from California. But I know that it's not a matter of time. And nothing is coming back for me from California. And I'm just waiting for something to make me happy again but that's not coming anytime soon.

Top 37 Songs to Mend a Broken Heart

1. Black by Pearl Jam
2. Glycerin by Bush
3. Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
4. Insensitive by Jann Arden
5. The Blues by Switchfoot
6. How to Save a Life by The Fray
7. So Here We Are by Bloc Party
8. Open Invitation by BRMC
9. No Need to Argue by The Cranberries
10. Tender by Feeder
11. Hallelujah by Imogen Heap
12. Look What You've Done by Jet
13. Foolish Games by Jewel
14. Always by Bon Jovi
15. Light Years Away by Mozella
16. If You Leave by Nada Surf
17. Lose You by Pete Yorn
18. For Blue Skies by Strays Don't Sleep
19. I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow
20. Vermillion, Pt. 2 by Slipknot
21. World Spins Madly on by The Weepies
22. Night is Still by Strays Don't Sleep
23. All Eternal Things by Trembling Blue Stars
24. Gotta Have You by The Weepies
25. Nobody Knows me at All by The Weepies
26. Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars
27. Love Doesn't Last Too Long by The Weepies
28. Beautiful Madness by Stabilo
29. Stars and Boulevards by Augustana
30. 1,000 Oceans by Tori Amos
31. The Leaver's Dance by The Veils
32. Kidding Ourselves by Stabilo
33. 2 AM Anna Nalick
34. Sideways by Santana ft. Citizen Cope
35. Eve by Chantal Kreviazuk
36. You Were Meant for Me by Jewel
37. How Could an Angel Break my Heart by Toni Braxton

Things I Need to Have in my Life in Order to Sustain a Relationship

1. Someone who loves me deeply and unconditionally
2. Someone who respects my opinion
3. Someone who thinks I am smart and worth listening to
4. Someone who knows how to treat a girl
5. Someone who doesn't have a bad temper
6. Someone who is thoughtful and sweet
7. Someone who wants to spend a lot of time with me or on me
8. Someone who respects my boundaries
9. Someone my mother would love
10. Someone who doesn't take me for granted
11. Someone who doesn't make me cry
12. Someone who can make me stop crying
13. Someone that can give me my freedom
14. Someone that understands me
15. Someone who doesn't necessarily believe what I believe in, but can accept that we believe in different things
16. Someone ambitious
17. Someone that can admit they are wrong
18. Someone that can put me over their pride
19. Someone who never yells at me
20. Someone who values me
21. Someone who doesn't give up on me
22. Someone who is willing to fight for me

Things I Need to Eliminate from my Life in Order to Stay Sane

Boys

Let Me Rephrase

I reprehend myself for my own naïveté for believing that the only people who could read my blog are the people I give the URL out too. I also reprehend myself for touching up on politics (when I am only trying to vent to myself) because as I know, it always gets me in trouble.

I live in a third world, developing country. I have been living in a third world developing country since I was seven. The fact that it is a developing country isn't news to me. The fact that my country is stricken with poverty isn't news to me either. The fact that the economy's GDP has been steadily rising over the past few years and the fact that this still hasn't helped out much to raise the standard of living in my country still isn't news to me. It's true, I'm educated, I like to keep up with the news in my country, and I am somewhat biased towards a certain perspective. I believe that reform is something that can and will happen but that it is also gradual.

So when the rest of the educated civilians do what they do best—blame the government and futilely pity their situation—it makes me sad how childish and idle they are. And I take it personally when people backlash against my family. Is this honestly the voice of our nation? That we either remain apathetic or resort to anarchy? Now when has that been something that worked well?

I'm not saying that if this guy is rich he shouldn't complain. I'm saying that if he is rich and he wants to complain about something, he should educate himself about it, he shouldn't generalize or follow stereotypes, and he should get up and do something about it. An organized strike isn't going to solve anything. Neither is complaining to a classroom filled with seven other people.

I deal with shit like this every so often and I try not to let it get to me. But it feels completely disrespectful when people start making assumptions and accusations against people to their faces without knowing it or knowing them. It is offensive because it is wrong and if people would just look a bit further, they would realize that but they don't.

I know I can never understand what a lot of people are going through and I know just how blessed I am to have been brought up with everything I have. But that still doesn't justify other people's actions, and it doesn't give any credibility to their accusations. These people also do not know what others have gone through to reach what they have reached and to earn with every ounce of honor and dignity what they have earned. It is wrong to generalize like that.

Ministers Have Feelings Too

Today is a very typical day in Cairo; bipolar weather, crazy traffic, another complaint from the mass in the form of a riot. And as usual, the AUC community decided to make a big fuss over the whole situation and I am currently sitting in CACE and the campus population can not exceed 50 students.

So there's the demonstration/protest/riot/label-it-however-you-want-I'm-staying-completely-neutral. But it's hard to stay completely neutral when everyone around you suddenly becomes a spokesperson for The Opinionated Idiots Who Think They're So Smart. In my Marketing class of around 40, only seven people showed up today. The AUC community decided to make a big fuss as I said. And naturally, the topic of discussion in the beginning of class had to be The Government.

Now, in conversations about The Government, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and give a look of apathetic boredom. It saves me every time. So the six other students in class and the professor go on and on discussing The Government in—what is in my opinion— a completely irrelevant manner to the real topic at hand.

It was the guy who sits in the back row with a hot British accent (which is such an odd way for me to describe him because I generally hate British accents) who decided that a minister's income and wealth is the root of all evil in our society. At that moment, my bored and apathetic façade gave way to my shocked, teary-eyed face and I just sat there in quiet astonishment, not knowing whether I should regain my composure or get out of my chair and hysterically run up to Hot British Boy and grab him from his crisp Ralph Lauren collar and scream in his face, "Ministers and their daughters and people too, you know! Don't talk about people like that or you'll hurt their feelings!" And what the hell is he complaining about WITH HIS RALPH LAUREN JACKET?!

But of course, being me, I sat there quietly, wondering if anyone ever thought of The Government they so easily accuse for all the horrible things in the world as a group of people who wake up early six mornings a week, kiss their wives good-bye and head off to work. I wonder if they realize that their daughters pack them a nice lunch in a heat-proof container because they don't get back until late at night. I wonder if they realize that every time there's a security threat on the holidays, their whole families have to rush back to Cairo to save the day once again.

But it's so easy for British Fuck Boy to strut into class with his perfect hair and perfect clothes and sip his morning double latté from L'Aroma and blame my father for things he doesn't see and doesn't understand.

Things I Need to Eliminate from my Life in Order to Move On

1. Just about half the songs I've ever heard in my life
2. The pink elephant on my bed
3. 296 of the 2509 pictures I have on Facebook
4. Fagnoon and Nady El Agyad
5. Sidi Gaber and all of Alexandria
6. The hanging butterfly inside my closet
7. The Counting Crows lyrics on my closet door
8. The white cardigan
9. Three pairs of earings and a mood necklace
10. The Tech Meseum Awards calendar inside my closet
11. The Fusion painting inside my closet
12. Zamalek
13. And especially Dido's
14. Blueberry Glazed donuts from Dunkin' Donuts
15. Mint-top toothpicks
16. The box on the floor of my closet
17. Guitars
18. AIESEC Conferences
19. City Stars
20. The Prestige, The Last King of Scotland, Knocked Up
21. Sakya
22. The Bon Jovi poster hanging inside my closet door above the Tech calendar
23. Faisal w share3 Mourad
24. Sogo2 and assab
25. My password
26. Stupid words like "wazafak" and "ghoby" and "ezzaaaaaay"
27. To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
28. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
29. Estonia bracelet
30. My desktop background

For Blue Skies

How many times does history have to repeat itself before I start learning from my mistakes. It's simple: don't call Hany from your cell so much or your dad will see the phone bill shoot up, and he will make your life miserable. So why do I keep forgetting that? Why do I keep on calling? And why do I have seven million Waseem songs that vary in theme from sad to angry to nostalgic. Each one marking a different time and a different stage in our relationship. I've been stuck in this Waseem loop for years and I can't get past it and I can't get over it.

Maybe that's why I want so badly to leave this summer. So I can feel something new. It's only just dawning on me that my life really has become a boring pop song and everyone else is singing along. And Microsoft and Google never replied.

I'm Back

I haven't written anything here in a while. I think I've discovered that my life isn't all that interesting to write about. "Dear Diary. Today I wrote a program. Life sucks." And while it is true, I started a blog at probably the toughest time in my life, just how many sad and existentialist posts can I write before sounding repetitive? Winter break is nice and relaxing. Nothing has happened in the past month (except for a little turbulence in the love department, but I'm choosing to block that out for now) and I love it that way. It's the first vacation I've had since something like high school and it's refreshing. I almost forgot what it feels like to wake up at noon and not feel guilty about it. I have absolutely nothing to do. Wow.

I'm feeling anxious these days because Google and Microsoft both haven't replied after I applied for summer internships there. My better judgment tells me it's over and to just move one, but it's too disappointing to consider. This summer is supposed to be my adventure. It's supposed to be the highlight of my blog. I want to travel and experience independence and be on my own and work and achieve something. I just can't handle another summer getting tossed back and forth between Cairo and Marina. So if it's not Google or Microsoft, I guess I'll have to settle for an AIESEC internship. Maybe go to the Far East. Learn about a new culture.

Speaking of travel, I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks! Sucks though, I'm missing an AIESEC conference. Relieved too, though, the leadership track isn't all as fun as the members track used to be. New York. But what is there to hope for, except to get hit on and buy fabulous clothes? I don't want to be dramatic and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I would rather stay and go somewhere inside Cairo and stay at a crappy two star hotel with my AIESEC people. I want to go to Dahab and climb a mountain. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, so here's to hoping I'll find more than some clothes and some flirty guy in New York.

Grey's Anatomy just finished downloading. Thank God those writers are done with their strike and all my shows are back. Grey's Anatomy makes me cry and I love it.